Fending Off the Secret Admirer
by Shiro Ryuu
Summary: [ONESHOT] Pocky, booze, unsupervised school Valentine’s Day parties, and Malik and Marik’s perversion! With all this backing Bakura up, how could Ryou NOT fall for him? BxR, MxM, snippets of others.


**Explanation**: [sniffle] I was BOOTED! ...muttermutter, whinewhine... Okay, okay. So here I am, having to repost EVERYTHING. After some thought, I've decided to leave 'most everything unaltered - reason being, my laziness. [sweatdrop] This means the author's notes may be a tad weird, but oh well O.o;; I'm BAAAAAACK!!! XD  
  
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**Disclaimer**: Well, I don't own Yu-gi-oh. But I do own the mothballs in my closet!  
  
**SR**: [waves wildly] HIIIIIIII!!!! Okay, I feel better now. Why am I writing a Valentine's Day fic in July, anyway? Actually, I have a very good reason. I needed to make myself hyper on purpose, so I could call JessicaKittyDemon early in the morning before she'd gotten up and scare the living crap out of her with my hyperness. Nothing makes me hyper like writing a fun fic, so I sat down and started typing the first simple, perverted thing that came in to my head. Plus I had a krimpet-thingy, just to be sure. For those who don't know what krimpets are, they're little sponge cakes with icing on top. Yuuuuuuum... Oh, and one more thing to mention! This fic is going out to my good, insane friend B-chan! Duh dun; you know who you are. Consider this an apology for being sick enough to write a SetoxSerenity fic; I know how much that traumatized you. Hopefully this can set it right! Bwuhaaaaaaaaaaa...  
  
====================_Fending Off the Secret Admirer_===================  
  
"BAKURA!"  
  
It's not everyone, the ancient spirit reflected, who gets to wake up screaming every morning.  
  
He sat up so fast that he hit heads with his hikari, the culprit responsible for causing him to wake up screaming. But Ryou just let himself fall over backwards on the bed, giggling. Bakura eyed him quizzically whilst rubbing his poor head.  
  
"What the hell? Have you been in the sugar again?"  
  
He giggled again. Yup, hit the bomb shelters everyone. "Of course, yami-kun! Did you forget? It's Valentine's Day!"  
  
He twitched. Valentine's Day? And more importantly, yami-_kun_? Wait, focus. Valentine's Day... "Where did you get sugar already?" he demanded, waking up a little. "It's only... Ra, six in the freakin' morning! Why are you waking me up _this_ early?!"  
  
He beamed. "I have a secret admirer, yami!"  
  
"I'll bet it's a boy," Bakura said dryly, then he remembered, and paled. Thankfully, Ryou was too busy bubbling to notice.  
  
"Whoever it was must have come by late last night and left it on our front step. It was a great big box of chocolates!"  
  
Well, at least now he knew why his head hurt so bad... He had been out with Malik and Marik last night - the pervs - and they'd gotten him drunk. The couple knew all about his 'possible' crush on Ryou, and had talked him in to... Ra. He was doomed.  
  
Wait!  
  
Despite his doubly painful head, he could still put two and two together. Hikari-chan had said secret admirer; which meant Malik and Marik hadn't gotten him to sign his name... He was saved!  
  
Now he just had to endure Ryou's bubbling until he finally came to grips with the fact that he was never going to find out who those chocolates came from... Which could take a couple months.  
  
Okay, so maybe he was doomed. Not as badly doomed as he thought he'd been a couple moments ago, but still pretty thoroughly doomed. Argh.  
  
"...But don't worry, you'll get some chocolate too. They always have some at the school party!"  
  
Argh again. Why did these modern mortals have to make such a big deal out of such an embarrassing holiday, anyway? He flopped back on to the bed. "I, herm, think I'm sick. I have a sore throat, and my stomach feels weird."  
  
Ryou rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right!"  
  
He pulled a pillow over his face. "Okay, how about this? I have a hangover."  
  
Ryou kicked him. Owie... Crap, sugar made him vicious. "Then you deserve to go to the school party," he said smugly.  
  
"Hey, it was Malik and Marik's fault. Hey! Give me back my pillow! Hey! What're you - Ow!"  
  
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Needless to say, Bakura did wind up going to the party. He watched the festivities glumly, sunk into his seat in a vain attempt not to be noticed.  
  
'Why did I let Ryou drag me here again?'  
  
The teacher, being wise and beyond trying to understand why he had two sets of people in his class that looked like twins but got extremely perverted with each other whenever given the chance, had left Kaiba in charge and fled. Yami and Yuugi were now trying to distract said CEO from his duties, and from noticing what Jou and Otogi were doing with each other. Kaiba was resisting, but Bakura got the feeling that any day now... Malik and Marik were, for once, not actually all over each other. But this was not necessarily reassuring, as they were talking in hushed whispers and snickering by the punch bowl. Ryou was sneaking around stealing the distracted couples' chocolate; Bakura would normally be doing this, but just now he felt too depressed.  
  
'It's almost like he's torturing me on purpose. Enjoying torturing people is my job, just like stealing the chocolate is! What's gotten in to me?' He looked at various making-out couples in annoyance. He knew exactly what had gotten in to him, of course. He was jealous. Very jealous. He wanted a koi; he needed a koi. Everybody else had one; he didn't want to be out of fashion, did he? And the worst part was that, for the first time, the one thing he wanted more than anything else wasn't something he could steal.  
  
Ryou was straight as an arrow. He might look like a girl, but Bakura was convinced.  
  
'What am I supposed to do?'  
  
"AH!" Well, when in doubt, screaming works. Actually, he'd screamed for a very good reason - Malik and Marik had just glomped him.  
  
Malik beamed. "What's the matter, _honey_?" Bakura blanched. "Did we startle you?"  
  
Marik snickered. "Good; it's what we were trying to do. Come with us for a minute..."  
  
Finally, out in the hall, Bakura managed to shake the demented duo off. "What the HELL are you psychos doing?!" he exploded.  
  
"Tsk, tsk." Marik wagged his finger in his face to emphasize his point. Bakura scowled, considering biting it, but decided against it. He didn't know where that finger had been, after all. "No screaming in school... unless you really have to, anyway..."  
  
Bakura felt mildly ill. He really didn't want to think about that. "Shut up, hentai. What's with the 'honey' thing? If you're even _thinking_ about-"  
  
Malik shook his head. "Nah. I mean, you're cute, but one yami is enough to deal with." Marik frowned slightly, but didn't comment. "It's all part of the plan."  
  
Bakura's eyes narrowed. "What plan?"  
  
Malik grinned. "The one to hook you up with Ryou, of course!"  
  
Twitch. He felt himself reaching for his deck. No measly Man-Eater Bug for this one; he was thinking Dark Necrofear... "WHAT?!"  
  
Marik rolled his eyes. "Are you going hard of hearing, tomb robber? I guess you are much older than me..."  
  
"I do NOT need your help 'hooking up' with Ryou!" Bakura shouted. No... killing... in school... messy... "I-In fact, I'm not sure I even want to hook up with Ryou! Has it ever occurred to you that I might like girls after all? He might just be cute to me because, because he's so girly, but when you get right down to it-"  
  
Malik waved his hand impatiently. "Oh, cut the crap. You know you like him. _I_ know you like him, and not just because of the way you normally act. Has anyone ever told you how creepy you get when you're drunk? And not in a good way, either. I could have sworn you were going to start composing poetry..." Marik snickered. "Now, we can help you hook up with him, but only if you agree to follow our plan..."  
  
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A few minutes later, Bakura followed Malik and Marik back in to the classroom. He was just a tad unsure about this. The whole thing didn't really appeal to him that much - Malik and Marik didn't really appeal to him that much - but if it helped him get Ryou...  
  
When Marik sat down in his chair, he pulled Bakura down with him. Bakura couldn't help but smirk, noticing how everyone was staring. It felt good to be causing confusion and chaos again... When Malik started kissing his neck he obligingly leaning in to the touch; maybe it felt a little wrong, but Malik was also very good at this. As long as he was here, he might as well enjoy himself...  
  
Marik smirked too, looking at something over Bakura's shoulder. "Hmm, looks like we've got your little hikari's attention," he murmured in his ear. "I would remember this trick if I were you..." Before Bakura got a chance to wonder what he was talking about, he found a pocky stick being shoved in to his mouth. "Enjoy," Marik purred, starting to nibble on the other end. Malik stepped back, deciding that it would be plenty of fun just to watch.  
  
Bakura felt himself go a little red. Argh. Again. Of course he knew this trick, though he'd never actually... done it... before... Ulp. When Marik's lips met his he was surprised at how warm they felt. This wasn't actually that bad, he decided. Marik slipped his tongue inside his mouth; because of the pocky he tasted like chocolate and strawberry and... and... Shit. What did that freak think he was doing to his pants?  
  
Bakura shoved him away, maybe just a little more roughly than he intended to. "I'm not going that far, spiky-hair," he snapped, quietly enough that no one else could hear.  
  
Marik just grinned, and looked over his shoulder again. "Say what you like, but it looks like we've got Ryou a bit upset. It's working nicely."  
  
Bakura twisted slightly in his lap so he could see too. Hmm... He was right. Ryou was staring at them from across the classroom, frowning. He had a half-eaten piece of chocolate in his hand, but seemed to have forgotten about it. Bakura winced. Well, there was no denying it. He definitely had a crush on his hikari. As revolting as it was, he couldn't stand to see Ryou look like that... "I think I'm going to go talk to him," he muttered, starting to get up.  
  
Malik grabbed his shoulder. "Hey," he whispered, "did you forget about the plan already? We need to make him as jealous as we can if you really want this to work. He might even come to you, if you'd have some patients."  
  
He glared, shrugging him off. "I don't need your stupid plan," he spat. "I don't know why I even agreed to let you two help me in the first place." He pushed passed them, grabbed Ryou's arm, and dragged him out in to the hall.  
  
Ryou squeaked. "Bakura - what - Are you okay?"  
  
He grimaced. "Now. Gods, those two can be so perverted... Look, Ryou, I need to tell you something. I-"  
  
Ryou smiled. "Oh, don't bother. You should have told me sooner; after everyone else you didn't seriously think I'd freak out because you were with a guy, did you? Well, there's more chocolate yet; see you later!"  
  
Bakura gaped, watching the classroom door close. W-what just happened there? He... He was going to kill those two if it was the last thing he did.  
  
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"Geez - ow!"  
  
"Bakura! What's your problem now?!"  
  
Bakura scowled at the two blondes. He had Malik pinned to the wall with one hand, and Marik with the other. He had dragged them farther from the classroom than usual, because he got the feeling that he'd be doing a lot of yelling. "You idiots! You completely screwed this up; I hope you know that. That's the last time I ever take advice from you."  
  
Marik calmly pried his hand away from his shirt, dusting himself off. "Oh no, how horrible," he said sarcastically. "Honestly, Bakura. How could even you possibly manage to mess this up? It's obvious he likes you."  
  
He scowled. "For your information, he thinks I'm really with you - and when I tried to tell him how I felt, he wouldn't let me! If he really liked me, wouldn't he at least act mad? I kissed you for _nothing_."  
  
Marik groaned. "You really don't understand women, do you?" he demanded, patting Malik's head for emphasis. Malik growled; Marik chuckled, but removed his hand to a safe distance just in case. "If he says he doesn't like you, it means he's madly in love with you. It's one of the facts of life; you'll get used to it. You can't give up that easy. It's not us you want to be dragging out here again; it's him. Now go on already, idiot."  
  
"If you really think so, fine," he spat. "But if this doesn't work out thanks to you... I'm going to feed you both to Dark Necrofear. In small pieces." And he took off.  
  
Malik frowned thoughtfully, leaning up against the wall. "What do you want to bet he won't do it?"  
  
Marik nodded in agreement. "He's being quite a baby about this. Do you think we should give them a little... push?"  
  
Malik just smirked.  
  
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A few minutes later, Bakura burst into the classroom again. "Ry-" He stopped, frowning. He couldn't see Ryou anywhere, and with that white hair he tended to stand out. He grabbed the nearest unsuspecting student by the shirt collar, pulling him out of his seat.  
  
"Hey," he said casually, "have you seen Ryou?"  
  
The poor student pointed a shaking finger at the door. "H-he left a c- couple minutes ago. D-didn't say where he was going..."  
  
Bakura grinned, displaying his rather fang-like teeth. "Thanks." He dropped the other boy, and left again.  
  
Ryou?he tried through their mind link. It was no use; he was being blocked. He would just have to do this the hard way.  
  
The first place he checked was the nearest bathroom. No one was there. Where could he have gone? Maybe he was outside? He was on his way to the doors, when a teacher rounded the corner right in front of him.  
  
He nearly had a heart attack, needless to say. There are few things scarier than teachers. No time to escape; shit...  
  
The teacher folded her arms in front of her, frowning. "Do you have a hall pass, young man?" she demanded.  
  
'Young man?! Okay, I do _not_ have time for this.' "Of course I have a hall pass..." He drew a card from his deck in his back pocket, and smirked. "Here it is! You're a lucky woman; this one isn't deadly. Disappear, make this teacher's memories of seeing me disappear, and make me disappear from sight!"  
  
So the search continued. He was investigating the grounds, when he happened to look up. There was someone one the roof; he couldn't see them clearly, but... Ryou?He was still being blocked, but the person turned away.  
  
He took off back in to the building as fast as he could go. That had to be him; he remembered now that Ryou liked to go up there some times... As he ran he heard the bell for the end of class go off; crap, he needed to get to the stairs fast... Thankfully, he made it.  
  
When he was about half way up the stairs to the roof, he heard some one coming down. They rounded a corner at the same time, and stood staring at each other for a moment. Ryou waved sheepishly. "Um, hi Bakura..."  
  
He frowned, walking up to him. "What's the matter with you? Why were you on the roof? And why are you blocking me off?"  
  
Ryou didn't meet his eyes. "I just... wanted to be alone, okay? It's no big deal, really."  
  
Bakura's frown deepened. He grabbed Ryou's wrist lightly, making him look at him. "Ryou, this is about me and Malik and Marik, isn't it? Look, I-"  
  
'Look, I know it kind of grosses you out right now, but you'll get used to it.' 'Look, I don't really see what you problem is.' 'Look, I'd think you'd be more used to this sort of thing by now. Baby.' Ryou wrenched his arm away. Whatever he was going to say, he didn't want to hear it. "Shut up!"  
  
Bakura watched him hurry away down the stairs. ...What the heck had he done?  
  
"Oy! Bakura! Get your ass down here!"  
  
Bakura groaned, peering down the stairwell. Not... him... Anyone but him... The last person on earth he wanted to deal with right now, the pharaoh, was calling him? How could this get any worse?  
  
"I think you'll want to see this; Malik and Marik are at it again..."  
  
He was seriously considering ripping his hair out. So he'd threatened to tear them to shreds and feed them to one of his cards. They weren't the sort of people who would be bothered by that kind of thing, were they?  
  
He really didn't want to see it, whatever they'd done, but he went down anyway. He had to pass Ryou on the way; he couldn't look at him right now. Was it possible that he'd somehow figured out what he was trying to tell him, and was trying to stop him from messing up what they had? No, couldn't be...  
  
Once he reached the bottom of the stairs, Yami grabbed his sleeve without a word and started dragging him back to the classroom. Yuugi was with him, and he was giggling uncontrollably. This was never a good sign.  
  
When they got to the classroom, he could only stare. A small crowd of his classmates were looking from him to the... disaster... and snickering behind their hands.  
  
Right there, on the wall, where everyone would see it when they left the room. ...He was going to kill them. This was the last straw; he was really going to kill them.  
  
The wall opposite the classroom door was covered in papers, papers bearing things like, 'Bakura and Ryou, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G,' or, 'Bakura loves Ryou forever!' If he clenched his fist much harder he would probably draw blood, but he couldn't quite bring himself to care.  
  
"Is this true, yami?"  
  
Bakura almost choked. Apparently... Ryou had followed him back. He was staring at the wall too, looking dazed. On second thought, why didn't he just skip killing Malik and Marik and go straight to killing himself?  
  
He stared at the floor. Well, wasn't it what he'd wanted to say all along, though? "Yes... Yes, it's true." He started to leave.  
  
Then, he felt someone grab his arm. ...And pull him in to a warm kiss. Ryou. The crowd cheered; he could also hear Marik laughing evilly. Ryou was... a much better kisser than Marik...  
  
When they pulled apart, Bakura looked at him for a moment. "Ryou, I..."  
  
"Yes?" Ryou said breathlessly. The crowd 'aww'ed.  
  
"I need some fresh air. Come with?"  
  
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Once they got on to the roof again, Bakura turned to him. "Now, don't interrupt," he warned. "The reason I was making out with Marik... was that I was trying to make you jealous. They came up with it, not me. And-"  
  
He laughed. "Oh, of course!" he said, smiling. "I thought it was probably something like that from the very beginning."  
  
Bakura blinked, forgetting what he was about to say. "Y-you did? How? Then why-"  
  
He shrugged. "Oh, I didn't think you three could get to the making- out-in-classrooms stage without me hearing something about it. And I guess I... was just afraid that I might be wrong. I'm so glad I'm not."  
  
Bakura shifted uncomfortably. Damn, he better not go red. "Well, um, anyway... You know, you interrupted me again. I was going to say... I was the one who gave you those chocolates, too. I thought you'd want to know." 'There! Now he won't go on about it for months after all!'  
  
He beamed. "Wow! I was right again." Bakura gaped, and he giggled. "Well, I guess I should return the favor..." He shoved a piece of pocky in Bakura's open mouth. "_Enjoy_..."  
  
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**SR**: Aw, Ryou had it all figured out from the beginning! But then, he's Ryou. Well, I hope ya'll liked. This is my first try at doing a fic like this; I'm not sure if it turned out quite the way I wanted O.o But oh well; hopefully it was good anyway! [shakes begging can] R&R? 


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